I prefer the taste of Google when choosing my overlord, personally.

Want to switch to Verizon with your iPhone?  AT&T is happy to help!

"Dear customer,

We see you've decided to switch your loyal service to our slightly better competitor.  We understand that we have no service in most areas and our customer service leaves something to be desired.  Here to help you with your smooth transition, we've come up with three easy steps.

First, pay us several hundred dollars!  It's that easy to not hurt our feelings!  We know you want to cancel our service, so in an effort to make that easier to swallow for all, several hundred dollars from you is all we need; amicable split successful!

Second, purchase a brand new iPhone from Verizon!  Wait, you already purchased the newest version from us?  Well, sorry to inform you that the technology is slightly different, so you'll have to buy a new one anyway.  So sorry about that.  It was unavoidable, we're sure.

Third, make your regularly scheduled sacrifice to Apple.  I've heard it's always better with pie.

Hugs and kisses,
AT&T, Apple, and Verizon, your triumvirate of evil, evil, and only-slightly-less-evil corporations at work"

Via techland.