Sunday, June 27, 2010

Maine Trip, Volume 03

June 26th, 11:21.

I am currently writing this entry at the cabin in the middle of the gorgeous woods where I'll be living for the next week. I am also writing this as a word document on my laptop as I've yet to be able to get online, so I'll be posting updates as I can, when I get back home (or the hotel on next Saturday) if necessary.

We spent the better part of the day hanging out in Freeport and Portland. We got breakfast at the hotel before checking out and were out and about a little after ten (probably the earliest we've ever checked out of a hotel). We stopped in first at a local shop that had mostly knives and household items (lots of kitchen/cookware and every kitchen knife you can imagine – a great selection of swiss army knives, too). The gentleman who was running the shop was incredibly friendly (as has every single person we've dealt with since getting to Maine) and we hung out there for quite a while, all of us ultimately supporting his business.

Next we went to a local potter (there are _so_ many potters in Maine!) and found some great stuff there, too. Again, the clerk was very nice and we had a nice time chatting with her about the area and New Jersey for a while. Afterwards we decided we wanted to go back to Portland for a bit and hit he Cabela's we'd passed on our way to Freeport. But first, we decided to get McLobsters.

Well, we didn't. They didn't have them. However, there is still hope. Michael's mom mentioned a McDonald's that she saw advertising them on her way in last week, so perhaps on the way back next weekend we just might get lucky. Details as events unfold.

Disappointed in the Freeport McDonald's we started heading for Portland. The GPS had the completely wrong idea of where Cabela's was, but after doing some quick Blackberry searching, we helped it out and we made our way to Cabela's.

It was somewhat smaller and less interesting than the one we went to in Pennsylvania, but still nice to walk around in. And in the connecting lot there was some kind of dog event going on. Lots of tents were set up selling dog accessories, treats, and accepting donations for various important pup causes. They were also holding a contest while we were there. They had a huge pool set up and trainers would lead their dogs to the edge of the pool, throw a toy and the dogs would leap in after it and then paddle back to the ramp. They were judging based on distance and it was completely fucking adorable.

We also stopped in at an awesome Thai restaurant while we were there. I had a dish that was new to me and completely satisfying and delicious. Thai iced teas all around (always amazing) to top it off. We started to hear towards Bar Harbor after that (we wanted to get to the cabin and Michael's mom before dusk) and stopped in* at a gigantic Whole Foods that had _way_ too much delicious looking food and wine. That was our last stop in the Portland area. Portland in generally was very charming, though, and given the time and right circumstances, it would be a lovely place to walk around for a day or two.

After grabbing a couple of things we finally really started heading to Bar Harbor. The only other time we stopped was to stretch our legs a bit and we arrived here at the cabin at around 7:00. After moving our luggage inside (you'd think we were going to be here for half a year) we chatted with Michael's mom and then went to dinner. I had an _amazing_ lobster quesadilla and their salad bar (which included steamed mussels – also good!) and helped Michael a little through his massive barbecue plate (which he probably took 2/3 of home).

We took a drive around downtown Bar Harbor to get an idea of the area. In the morning we'll be working out a basic plan for the week and probably will be out for most of the day afterwards. I've squared away my stuff so it's accessible but not in the way and took a blissfully cool shower. It's about 10-15 degrees cooler here at least than in New Jersey and with all the windows open and the fan going it's feeling pretty divine. Outside here is also pretty fucking gorgeous, especially at night. So many stars and the moon is breathtaking. We're pretty sure we heard some moose when we got back and frogs (or are they toads) are of the plenty.

I think I'll be turning in soon; I have a feeling we'll be having some early-ish mornings and, quite frankly, I don't want to waste the days by sleeping in anyway. So, time to fall asleep to the sound of frogs and fans.

*Incidentally, take note of how many times in the course of our long trips I say the phrase “stopped at” or “stopped in” or just simply “stopped” and you'll soon realize why 4-6 hour trips can take 12-15 hours for us.

(There is no wi-fi as previously thought, so I'll be updating whenever it's convenient for me to plug into the kitchen wall jack.)

Friday, June 25, 2010

Maine Trip, Volume 02

We actually arrived in Maine at around 6:00, got all checked into the hotel, and by that time we were all _starving_. So, after settling in a bit, we went back out to find some food. On the way we had passed a local brewery/pub called Gritty's, and we ultimately decided to go there.

Well, I could not have had a better first meal in Maine. I got their lobster mac and cheese topped with pan fried cornbread and fried jalapeños (which completely rival fried pickles). They had Ménage à Trois Red (my current favorite red wine) of which I had a glass, I sampled two beers, and got a Green Monkey for dessert (Midori, Malibu Banana Run, and pineapple juice - yum!) It was completely satisfying.

After dinner we decided to bump our L. L. Bean trip up early since we wanted to walk around a bit, but the center of Freeport apparently mostly shuts down by 8:00 (at least before tourist season). Well, two hours later we'd walked off the fullness from food, all done some shopping, and I walked away with a cute new shirt, two pairs of socks, an awesome new bathing suit (on sale!), and a souvenir from Michael (picture will follow).

Now we're back at the hotel, showered, and about to call it a night. It's been a long but completely awesome day. We're hoping to catch breakfast early in the morning and then walk around in Freeport before heading for Bar Harbor so getting to sleep now will give us plenty of time. If we get up early, I may try out my new bathing suit or catch a quick workout (they have a really nice fitness center in the hotel).

Unfortunately, as tired as I am, I'm also completely wired. It's not exactly like a second wind, but I just don't feel like I could fall asleep yet. So I'll probably catch up on reading my blogs, poke around online a bit, and then read before falling asleep.

More to come...

Maine Trip, Volume 01

It is now 3:27pm on Friday, June 25th. (Or it was when I wrote this.)

I'm writing this in the back of the RAV in the middle of our trip to Maine. We changed our leave time this morning to 8:30 instead of 6:30. This was due in great part to the ridiculous times Genevieve and I got out of work. Both for good reasons, though.

Last night Pauline held a party for some of her friends, doing something for herself for one of the first times since I've known her. So she asked me to help her run it (of course). The event was supposed to be 7:00-10:00 (we normally close at 9:00), but it was relatively casual, all with very chatty and friendly women, and so once the painting began after mingling, it was pretty late. It was actually very fun, just tiring. I left close to 11:30, but was satisfying and Pauline was very appreciative.

Anyway, when Michael and I got home, we packed up some last minute things, I prepared the rest of the snacks for today, and I took a shower and relaxed a bit with Michael waiting for Genevieve to get home. She was detained even longer than I; she left work around 1:00am after helping to finish up a bunch of video editing. Michael and I stayed up long enough to kiss her goodnight, and then at some point I fell into bed, waking up 15 minutes before my reset 8:00 alarm.

We actually left the apartment at around 8:50, only 20 minutes later than our leave time (this is why I _always_ want to plan for seriously early leaving; we notoriously take longer to do everything, generally make a lot of stops on a trip, and therefore always get places massively later than any of us want to). After doing all the errands we needed to (banks, post office, breakfast), we finally got onto the road at about 10:00. And we've been driving pretty much ever since. We kit a horrible wall of traffic in Connecticut that spanned about ¾ of a mile and lasted for almost an hour. It was essentially a parking lot.

I think the best part was when the woman in flowy robes walked past our car (in the middle lane of a major highway) and got ahead enough that I lost track of her. Other people were getting our of their cars, a motorcyclist and meat delivery man had a lively and friendly looking conversation across three lanes of traffic, several assholes in vans (including an on-the-clock Comcast employee) rode the shoulder shoving their way past the rest of us, and we played with Michael's new Flip cam and listened to horrible new Meatloaf music in an attempt to make the time go faster.

Other than that the ride's been pretty clear. That is to say until about ten minutes ago when we hit yet another nit of traffic. But now we're in Massachusetts, and it's more expected. And at least we're _moving_. We're just not going as quickly as we'd like.

Still our projected arrival time is before 5:30. We're hoping to stop very little before then, get all checked into the hotel, and then find some interesting spots in Freeport. So far we plan to visit the desert in the middle of Maine, L. L. Bean at midnight, and at some point (either today or tomorrow) have McLobster (at least Genevieve and I). We will also likely have some real food (hopefully local) at some point for dinner. My snacks are awesome but not a meal.

So, that's our trip thus far. Michael's making short video updates as well so this is looking to be our best-documented trip yet! I am especially fond of the gift I bought myself for the trip; the AC adapter that's allowing me to use/charge my laptop right now. It's _awesome_​. With it I can have plugged in my laptop with an AC cord, my DS with the USB cord, and Genevieve's GPS with the car port, all built into the same adapter. I think it's brilliant and wonderful.

That's all for now; I'll post this when I get to an internet connection and add more when we've made more headway.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

So, here where I work, we're located in a shopping mall.

And in that shopping mall there's... well, not much. It used to be flush with stores. When I first started working here there was one vacancy (an education assistance place that had gone out of business). But little by little, almost all of the stores have gone. The biggest trouble was Ragshop closing up all their stores. That was our anchor store. And when we no longer had an anchor stores, other places started suffering. We lost a big ice cream parlor and Marty's Shoes, the other two largest stores in the building, basically cementing a lack of desire for anyone to move in.

Luckily, by the time this started happening, we were at least three years established. And over the years, we've done a lot of outside events, outreach programs, school programs, etc. All of which gets us decent exposure and all of which was enough to get us through last year's particularly bad financial situation and come back ahead of the game. And this year we're doing even better. We have been very lucky.

Other businesses here, however, have not. I counted a month or so ago, after Dark Tower had finally moved out, and we had about 11 stores left. The diner in our lot, Midori (Japanese Restaurant), a nail salon, a hair salon, a dress place that never seemed to have any customers and had some very specifically designed dresses, a tiling business, a custom sign business, a dry cleaners, a pizzeria (Saporito), a completely useless Verizon store (best I can figure they're only connected to Fios and no other Verizon service; they are paid every day to sit and watch Spanish soap operas and look lost and horrified every time someone walks in asking anything - fortunately for them, that's not much of an issue), and us.

Well, soon after that I noticed the dress place was gone. Then the sign guys had trucks out in the back for a couple of days. The week after they were gone.

It's beyond depressing at this point. The management doesn't want to renovate or update the place until an anchor store signs with them and an anchor store doesn't want to sign a contract to move in until the place is updated. The management would like us to be fooled by their constant implication that they are, in fact, going to renovate anyway! Because, as any smart business owner would when owning a large shopping center that will hopefully last a long time, there would have been money saved and set aside sometime between 1985, when the place was built, and now to _do_ said renovations. Because, buildings, not the mention styles, don't last forever... So, of course they'll renovate. Totally.

Well, they're fucking liars.

There hasn't been a lick of renovation all spring and we've not crossed into summer. I see still no signs of renovating. There are signs. Oh! Are there signs! Front, side. Signs proclaiming the wonderful things to come.

Nothing.

And, shockingly, there's not going to be a surplus of money to do renovations with the lack of income coming in from the lack of stores. And no one wants to move in here when there's no prospect of walk-in business. And we'll have no additional such prospect without some more goddamn businesses.

Now, again, we're truly doing okay. Pauline and I have put a lot of work into making sure we keep our regulars and reach out to get even more loyal customers. I cut corners where I can while cultivating loyal and solid employees. It works.

But this week I'm pretty sure we lost one of the most important businesses left.

See, on Tuesday I was chatting with some customers who casually asked is Saporito was back open. Confused, I clarified and it turned out that on Monday they were closed the latter half of the day with a sign on their door explaining their oven had broken and they would reopen as soon as it was serviced. So these customers wanted to order pizza today instead and could I please call and see if they were reopened? Well, of course! Now I'm curious! And ya know? A slice of pizza sounds really good.

No answer.

Doors locked.

Lights out.

Okay, obviously the pizza-oven-repairman was busy on Monday and Tuesday.

Well, today Julianne was here working with me and asked if I minded her going to get a slice of pizza for lunch and if I wanted anything. So I told her the mini-crisis they'd had and suggested she call to check.

Still no answer.

So she took a walk over.

Doors locked.

Lights out.

Tables gone.

And so that's where we are. Maybe they're taking this time to re-wax the floors or something while they wait for the oven to be fixed or replaced. Maybe they're replacing the old tables with newer, nicer ones. Maybe a burglar came in during this quick break in business and stole all the tables and chairs!

And maybe when I come in tomorrow Ragshop will be back open.

There's no sign, no message on their machine, but there's also no pizza.

This presents two problems to us. The first of which is the _very_little_ walk-in business we get because people stopped in for pizza and noticed us on the way. But the bigger issue is our birthday parties. While the majority of parties choose to provide their own food, they _always_ order from Saporito. It's convenient, they pay for the pizza ahead of time, and the boys there bring it on over at the exact time it's needed. Now where will we get the pizza?

Honestly, I have no idea. Maybe we'll need to work with the diner and different food? Maybe a delivery place will be flexible and reliable enough (although I'd hate to have to trust that _every_ time, sometimes 3-4 times a day). But I am now, officially, worried. Summer brings with it few to no parties so hopefully by the fall when things pick up in that area, we'll have something good worked out. (Although what I truly hope that what actually happens is that either they're not closed or miraculously another pizza place takes their place.) :/

Sexy sex-bloggers.

I love me some sex-bloggers. From the downright dirty, to the informative, to the casual blogger who talks about sex a lot. There is an annual Top 100 Sex Bloggers List (this will be the third year) that's currently looking for nominations. You have to semi-register for the site, but I think it's worth it.

I just nominated my favorite two sex bloggers and encourage anyone who's inclined to do the same:

Quizzical Pussy:
Michael linked me to her and she's absolutely charming and wonderful. Her enjoyment of sex is incredibly hot, very cute, and makes me want to hang out with her in some very girly ways and talk about dirty things all night. And my favorite part of her blog is her weekly sex-confessions post on Tuesdays. It's an anonymous form where she collects the confessions of random readers of her blog (and occasionally posts some herself; she always seems to end up admitting it, too) and posts them weekly. I love it. It's often horrible, tragic, sad, funny, or incredibly hot and that makes it deliciously wonderful to read.

Adrian Colesberry
I first head about Adrian Colesberry last summer or fall when Michael brought home a copy of his book How to Make Love to Adrian Colesberry. It's a hysterical and addictive autobiography of his relationships up until now (or rather up until about two years ago) written in the form of a how-to guide when it comes to fucking Adrian Colesberry. Sadly, I determined that we're incompatible in certain fairly important areas, but I'm certain we have enough in common to make a weekend of it. Anyway, I loved the book so much I bought a copy for many of my good friends as Christmas gifts and soon after started reading his blog (which Michael also linked me to).

By then he was actually fairly familiar with Michael who had commented many times on Adrian Colesberry's posts. He and I exchanged a little correspondence via Facebook (on which we are "friends" which I love more than is particularly healthy for me) and I now religiously read his blog. He posts a lot of controversial material, studies, and political information about sex and relationships. I've loved every one of his posts. It helps that his opinions and mine sync up nicely, but I think most people I know would love to read his work.

I'm not sure if multiple nominations actually help or not, but certainly when it comes voting time I will solicit for people to side with me because I'm certain I'm right. (Although reading further, it's possible you need to sign up as a judge to have a say... I'm not sure if it's at all going to be a public vote. :/ We'll see.)

Either way, I hope both of them end up on the Top 100 List for this year. They deserve it and as Quizzical Pussy pointed out, it'll be great for bragging rights.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Maine's coming, did you bring your coat?

And on the topic of Maine, only three more days of work and then we head out! This week is packed with work for me, but I'm hoping that encourages it to go faster. Yesterday I came in for half a day to get the kiln room taken care of (which was good because even so I have much to catch up on today... yes I know I'm writing a blog post instead; even I need to take breaks sometimes). Today and tomorrow are both 9-10 hour days. And Thursday's going to be a 12 1/2 - 13 hour day which I'll be powering through (full day of work, corporate team building event, Ladies' Night, and a private party for Pauline's friends). All in all, it'll be tough, but at least with our trip moved up a day, I'll have that to look forward to to get me through. I may even treat myself to a bit of sushi (which always helps me get through the tough days).

Tonight and tomorrow night are also my packing nights. By the time I go to sleep Wednesday night, everything but my pillow (and snacks) will be ready to go to Maine. That way on Thursday night when I crawl into the apartment after my long day, I can shower and get six or so hours of sleep before we're off to Maine (if I'm super motivated and really get to bed early enough, there's a chance I'll get up at 5:00 to workout before we leave... we'll see). So far the plan is to get up at 6:00, dressed, and out the door at 6:30.

The drive is somewhere around 7 hours to get to Freeport (where we're staying on Friday night). We tend to stop (a lot) on our trips, thus the early leave time. Hopefully we'll get into Freeport early evening and get to see some of the city. We're already planning on a midnight trip to the L. L. Bean flagship store. (Did you know the Freeport L. L. Bean Flagship Store is open 24 hours?) At some point I will try a McLobster and Moxie (hopefully at the same time). Oh yes, I intend to get the full Maine experience.

There's no cell reception in the house we're staying in. This is something that thrills Genevieve and Michael but is a little less than thrilling for me. I am far too used to being connected to pretty much everyone I know and everywhere/thing I need via my phone, so not being able to get every-thirty-second updates on what's happening in facebook land and such will be an adjustment. But one I'm sure I'll quite enjoy. I will have internet access so I'll be posting (I hope) daily updates on our trip here and responding to emails when I can. (Oh, and, of course, daily checking the Woot! Shirt of the day; I do not apologize for a second for ruining your life with that link. I will pleasantly _not_ be available for _any_ work-related anything. And _that_ is a very pleasing thought.

All in all, I'm super excited about this trip. I've never been on a vacation like this. As a kid, we did lots of day trips, but never a full out vacation. And money was always tight so we almost always avoided staying over anywhere if we could. That's not to say my parents didn't do what they could; they did. And we were never needing and rarely wanting for anything. It's just a particular thing we never did.

As an adult, I've done plenty of weekend trips and a couple of extended road trips. We did take a week to go to Memphis when Genevieve's sister lived there, but half of that was driving and finding the cheapest hotels we could; über fun, don't get me wrong, but not the same kind of "vacation" - different kind of fun. Anyway, this is my first real vacation like this (and I couldn't be more grateful to Michael's mom for having us). We've known about it for the better part of the last year and having it so close is almost difficult to grasp. It's always just been this awesome thing that's far away and we have to look forward to. To actually be gearing up to go is pretty extraordinary.

Workout update.

Speaking of workouts, week three of my goal for the month went significantly better than week two. Monday I did weights + ab tape, Tuesday was tough aerobics with light weights, Wednesday was rehearsal which stood in for a workout (although I do wish I'd done both), Thursday was heavy weights and heavy aerobics, Friday was an intense rehearsal with George that certainly counted as aerobics, and Saturday was medium weights/aerobics. I was perfectly satisfied.

As for this week, Sunday I did a fast paced aerobics with weights workout to start off the week well and did a show that night which also sweated off a few pounds. Yesterday I ended up not working out, but I do think what I did in the evening was much more important to my overall health, so I'm going to go easy on myself for that.

However, since we're leaving now on Friday morning for Maine, I must make Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday count. So I'll be working out tonight, tomorrow morning, and Thursday morning. I'm even hoping to use the exercise room at our hotel on Friday. And hopefully we'll be doing much hiking/canoeing/etc. (or at least much walking around) each day we're in Maine. I'll have to see what strength training I can get in while we're there because I'm starting to see and feel the definition in my arms, and I don't really want to let it go for a whole week and a half if I don't have to.

And that's it for my workout-update. :)

Much better.

I feel better today.

I ended up spending the evening at home with Michael and we soon fell into a very comfortable place, the same one I'm used to. I took care of him a little, we watched lots of Red Dwarf and a truly awesome episode of MST3K, had some delicious cake, and both felt much better afterwards. I even ended up being surprisingly productive at work even with all the time I spent not being motivated.

Now I'm back in a much more manageable level of anxiety with even more work to do to keep me busy. Still, I'd like it to be time to go home now even though that's still 6 1/2 hours away. I'm impatient to get my workout in today and relax with tacos and wine for dinner.

I < 3 Penn Jillette.

SayUncle, a gun blogger I read, posted this today and I had to share:

"Once again, Penn Jillette:

'When I disagree with Obama, people always say, “Well, you’re a big Bush guy then.” And I’m like no, I didn’t like Bush either. I disagree with Bush and Obama on all the stuff they agree on, which is pretty much everything. They both want to kill people, they both want the government to be bigger, and they both want less freedom for individuals.'"

So far, he's one of those I'm-in-love-with-him celebrities who's never let me down; pretty much everything I hear about him or from him makes me love him even more. ::swoon::

Monday, June 21, 2010

Motivation, or the lack of same.

I'm a bit out of my element today.

Normally when I'm upset about something or stressed about certain aspects of my life, especially the more intense the feeling, I have this drive to _do_ things. Case in point, last week, after working for 11 hours on Thursday, I got a bit upset over something small, and it felt like a much bigger deal than it was after a long, very busy, tiring day at work, and I had no idea how to make it better. So when I got home at 9:45, knowing I needed to be up at 5:45, I got productive.

I packed up a huge shipment of books, managed my Amazon store, caught up on all my blogs, wrote some emails I'd been meaning to for ages, paid some bills, did an intense and satisfying workout, took a long shower, washed all the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, and prepped some lunch to bring to work the following day.

By 12:30, I finally went to bed. And basically tossed and turned, exhausted but full of energy at the same time, and didn't really fall asleep until a couple of hours later.

Today I'm feeling a little cracked. Nothing big specifically going on. But I'm feeling the overwhelming pressure from various things sort of taking me over today. I've been holding on to certain things and doing so much lately and not really letting it out. And today, I'm feeling that pressure and I'm not holding together so well. Not much I can do about it, really. I'm working until at least 4:00, probably. Not sure exactly what I need, but I'm fairly certain under these specific circumstances I can't get it (right now, anyway).

And the worst part is the way my mind is dealing with it today. I would kill for that satisfying motivation that usually comes with sadness, anger, or aggravation (for me). I would love to have the energy and fire to blitz through all the work I have here, get ahead of the week, and then possibly even get some projects going for the summer.

But instead I'm sitting here writing this and even this is difficult for me to focus on. I'm completely uncoordinated. I know what needs to be done, but I'm having a hard time focusing on what order I should do it in and a hard time focusing on _doing_ it. My mind's too distracted and I'm ending up out of control of it's effect

... ... ...

My father disappointed me, again, today. I don't know how much was genuine and wasn't. I know he was supposed to work late. I know he said he'd try to get out early. I know he seemed to mean it and really miss me. I know he spent over half an hour keeping me on the phone every time I gave him and easy out of the conversation seeming to really want to talk to me. But I trust him less than not at all. And now that he's not free, I find myself not believing for a second that he was ever going to try. That he cared about a thing I told him.

I don't know if that's fair. And honestly, it isn't a surprise even if it is fair. My mother will tell me during the better moments she has concerning my dad that he cries to her sometimes about losing me and Chris. That he feels like he's lost the one (well, two) good thing(s) he's ever done and doesn't know how to make it right.

I wish she _wouldn't_ tell me that.

I came to terms a long time ago with him being an asshole. He was absent, he was emotionally hurtful if not abusive, he was quick to anger, and he never went out of his way to help us to or do anything for us. In fact, he often wouldn't do it even if it was along the way he was already going. I remember a good, happy dad from my childhood, but that's 18 or so years ago. What's happened in between far surpasses that memory.

But he was loving when I was most impressionable. And so it sticks with me, whether I want it to or not. Hearing his voice, I still sometimes feel like a little girl who wants to impress her daddy, or sneak ice cream, or play Zelda all day. And I can never have that with him again. I don't want it (and probably, as an adult, wouldn't want those things even if we had the best relationship). I barely even think of him. But an unfortunate feeling and memory creeps in and lasts sometimes for days, when all I want is to shove it back into it's little repressed corner of my mind.

This, among many other things, is making my day interminable. I wish very much that I'd thought ahead more about today, that this morning went differently, and that I wasn't at work waffling around trying to find motivation to do a job I could do in my sleep. And I don't know how to talk about anything right now. Or to who, for that matter. Or if I even should or need to. I just feel this pressure building and I don't know what to do with it. In case it wasn't obvious enough, I hate feeling out of control. The fact that I've already tried telling myself several times, "just stop thinking, let it go, work, and enjoy your day" and my head's still swimming is annoying.

But here we are. Or I am. And I should really go glaze something now.

Friday, June 11, 2010

On another more real-life note

I have failed at my goal.

That's not to say I'm giving up, but this week totally kicked my ass. I succeeded at doing five awesomely intense workouts last week and this week... it's fallen apart. I still did two intense workouts and two good strength training workouts with Michael, but it certainly didn't satisfy my goal.

I'm hoping to turn disappointment in myself into motivation to not fail _again_. I can blame busy days at work, emotional situations, and my period if I want to. But the fact is, the whole point was to do it in _spite_ of those things, not keep using them as an excuse.

I still think I can turn this around for the rest of the month and try again for July as well. But for now, I'm disappointed in myself and generally feeling mopey about it.

Why, they're alternate-dimension, post-apocalyptic Nazis, of course.

I am fascinated by dreams. My dreams, other peoples dreams, TV shows that do episodes including or made up of dreams, other "planets" where the entire existence is a dream and possibly all in the mind of a horror-god-like entity who lives to drive species insane... Sometimes my favorite part of going to sleep is dreaming.

So I very often bore everyone I know telling them what my dreams were, which no one cares about nearly as much as I do (understandably), and once I get through explaining them, they sound stupider and have many more holes in them than I originally thought. This is frustrating. So I'm trying to write down my dreams (or type them if I can since I type _much_ faster) and I thought I should keep an account here.

This is a dream I had this morning before leaving for work. When I woke up I immediately got up to type it up and I sent it to Michael:

Michael and I (and two companions I didn't know) were trying to get away from Nazi's from an alternate dimension where the apocalypse had happened. They were trying to recreate said apocalypse starting with a huge building that was very labyrinth-like. We got out just in time by working with the previous villain (who looked like Eric from True Blood). Apparently in an early episode of my dream-world, he was working against us for...something...but when the Nazis showed up he turned good (sort of) to help us defeat the Nazis (all self interested, I'm sure). To defeat them we had to, obviously, distract them with my collar. While they were inexplicably distracted and mesmerized, Michael and Eric shot the head Nazis down.

We retrieved the collar and ran out barely escaping before and same anomaly that brought the Nazis here rearranged all the rooms inside turning the place into a creepy purgatory/haunted house that could suck people in if they either got lost among the rooms causing them to never want to leave thinking it was the last vestige of civilization left in a post-apocalyptic society. We had successfully averted the apocalypse except for this isolated location and were unable to save anyone who'd been trapped inside now living their half-lives convinced the world was over.

Michael and I soon noticed that the collar we brought back wasn't the right one. Michael got upset and I started sobbing. Thinking rationally, though, I explained logically that we could get another made. Michael insisted on going back in. We knew the weight room it was in (that's where we shot down the Nazis, keep up!) would be findable if we just traveled in a straight course on the ground floor. Michael told me to wait so I could help you out when you returned.

But I worried there'd be a trick or puzzle and had notice that Michael was visibly tired and weak. So I went in running. Each room opened to the next (and they were mostly all small), until one who's wall was closed. Sandy was there (all of a sudden) and explained I could just push them open because they weren't real anyway. So that's what I did and it worked. Each wall or fake door would swing open from the center when I shoved them. Then I came to a staircase and went down.

After going through five or six rooms I came upon another down-staircase in a similar room; I realized I'd made a mistake and surveyed the room, realizing that if I went around I could crawl up on a platform that would bring me to the next room on this floor. So I backtracked to the first staircase and found that room was the
same.

I went several more rooms before coming to the weight room. I found my collar, stepped on a Nazi's head (he was trying to shoot me; I pulled out my gun afterward just in case). I ran back through the halls and rooms I'd opened up and caught up with Michael in the cafeteria (which is right near the exit). Michael looked sad and explained he'd gotten lost one floor below before realizing we weren't supposed to go downstairs in the first place. He'd found his way back and made his way to the cafeteria, but hadn't been able to find the weight room. I wrapped my arms around him and showed him the collar and explained the "trick" of the "maze".

(Now, granted, I saw the setup of the place, because this is a dream and that can happen, and it was actually quite a maze. We just happened to be following one direct route that conveniently got us what we wanted (as long as we figured out the one trick that was along the way) and would be easy to return from. People apparently got lost from veering off the main path, and there were many attractive things encouraging you to do so.)

The whole building was built in a Gothic Victorian style. Very old looking, very well decorated with lots of beautiful wooden furniture, tapestries, warm, comforting lightly, and various rooms with different themes. Some of them were shops, some were bedrooms, some were game rooms. The cafeteria was exactly as warm and old except for the high school cafeteria style tables and chairs set up. While in the cafeteria we got distracted.

Families were eating loads of food, all different kinds, and hoarding it like it was really the end of the world. Mom's were rationing what children had left, some adults were drinking multiple bottles of liquor at a time. The staff was made up of zombies (some of which were the zombies we'd killed before, but they were nice. _Very_ nice. We were offered multiple drinks and were about to have one when a little boy ran up to us (he was apparently part of our party) and knocked them out of our hands.

We remembered that eating or drinking anything while in the building would get us caught here so we started following him out. On the way out he stopped, intrigued by a corn dog one mom offered him to try. He ate it and was immediately mesmerized.

This is the part of the story where the maternal/paternal instincts we have would kick in and we'd grab him anyway to leave. Then it would trip some horrible thing happening because we tried to take something that the house or whatever rightfully earned. Hijinks would ensure, likely death for one of us would follow, and we would have either caused more destruction or had to save the day again or both. Probably both.

But no, not in my dream; we both essentially said "fuck the kid" to each other with a glance, grabbed hands and ran out the door. I think we were being pursued. We got back to the van, rushed in to get going, and when we turned back to look, the place dissolved, being replaced by a gorgeous graveyard.

I turned to Michael, handed him my collar, and as he went to put it back on me, I woke up.


... ... ...

I don't know either, but I completely want to write a schlocky science fiction story about alternate universe Nazis from a post-apocalyptic society crossing over and trying to destroy the world. Santa or the Easter Bunny or William Shatner will have to save the day.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Two new gun-control related bills.

So I was reading through my thirty of so gun blogs today and a post on some new NJ bills peaked my interest:

"A2857 – Repeals the One Gun a Month Law
A2858 – Repeals certain restrictions on future sales of handguns"
(http://cemeterysgunblob.com/2010/06/03/two-new-bills/)

While I'm _very_ invested in these myself, I'm going to likely rely on Michael and the same gun bloggers to be letting me know when pdfs are available and what the state/outcome of these bills ends up being.

Still, glad to see they're up.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Making a deal

I've made a deal with myself this month.

I've been trying (rather unsuccessfully) to lose weight. Part of the problem is the medication I'm on. It's basically fighting me the whole way. I'm also on birth control which isn't great for weight loss, either.

But still, I have been trying. Exercise is _less_ of a problem. I try to make sure I do at least 4 workouts a week, but I totally cheat sometimes doing just weight lifting or just abs or something equally lame. And it's better to do than not to, but that's not really a substitute for a real workout. I need to do 35-60 minutes of aerobics 4-6 times a week. I also need to watch my calories/fat/sugar intake. As for that, I've been doing _okay_. During the week I'm decent at keeping my calories under control. But weekends and special occasions sort of ruin that. I'm trying to integrate more vegetables into my diet and eat smaller portions.

Anyway, at the end of this month on the 26th we leave for Maine. It's a 9 day vacation, the longest one I've ever taken (unless Tennessee was 9 days, but that was mostly driving). During that week exercise in the strictest sense will be limited. We'll hopefully be hiking a decent amount and at least walking around a whole lot. But actual intense workouts will likely not happen during that time. So the deal is this, starting June first (yesterday), I will do some exercise every day, with at least five of those days per week consisting of a full, intense workout. And I will do everything I can to control my diet more. But the exercise is necessary.

And I figure once I've got an intense routine down, hopefully it'll be easier to keep up. I'll see after the four weeks what kind of progress I've made and then go from there.

I figure it's easier to set a goal for four weeks than forever. If I know the goal's four weeks away, it's attainable. Clear. Then maybe when I get back I can set another goal for July. And if I keep doing it in small increments (even if it's essentially the same goal every month or wouldn't be changed too much by just saying I will do "X" forever), eventually it'll be a long-term routine.

And that kind of intense work _has_ to pay off.

So here's hoping I have some positive reinforcement when I get back on the scale on the 26th.

Can you flatten this bottle for me? It's for a gift.

At Color Me Mine, I get a lot of odd questions from customers. Every couple of weeks (sometimes more frequently) people will come in with old ceramics they painted or made years ago that have since broken or chipped. Sometimes they've shattered. They'll ask if we can touch them up or re-fire them. We have a strict policy about not firing outside pieces which we explain as kindly as possible. Of course we're still often met with aggression over this fact. But usually it's very simple. We're all used to answering that question by now.

Sometimes people will come in and ask us to order replacement accessories (like iron holders for serving pieces or caps for travel mugs) for pieces that are over 20 years old or just simply not from our catalogues. That's always kind of weird, but I get why they would ask. We can never help them, either.

Occasionally the questions will get even more obscure like asking for a specific type of metallic paint from the seventies and wanting us to order a bottle so they can use an ounce (which they would presumably want us to fire afterwards, even though we don't fire outside pieces). We don't even use metallic paints (especially ones from the seventies since they'd no doubt have lead in them), much less have a supplier of old glazes.

We once had a woman go to a potter to get a custom piece made and then come here to have it fired. Insisted that we fire this piece which she had custom made because it was important to her. She paints here all the time and the pieces come out fine; why wouldn't this? She got increasingly more agitated as it became clear we weren't going to fire it. She clearly misunderstood our very clear conversation about not firing outside pieces and decided to threaten to get what she wants. Told us she would tell all of her friends not to paint here anymore and go to our competitor; and she has a _lot_ of friends.

We didn't fire the piece.

But today I got possibly the _weirdest_ question I've encountered. A very nice woman came in with a wine bottle that she'd carefully removed the label from. She asked me if she could rent our kiln to fire the bottle and flatten it. I'm not even sure what she's talking about. I have a very minor idea of how to work with glass (we considered doing certain glass projects here but decided on mosaics instead). But I have no idea how to flatten a bottle with a kiln and, moreso, why you'd want to. In my mind, it would just end up a misshapen long piece of glass. But I'm sure there are ways for it to keep it's shape; I just wouldn't know how. I ended up explaining to her that we both don't work with glass, only ceramic, and also don't fire outside pieces. I pointed her to Glassworks which is a similar concept to us but they work with, shock, glass. She was grateful and hopefully she'll let me know how it goes.

I was very excited. Sometimes I just _love_ the weird shit that comes up here. And I hate that I forget probably most of the best examples. So I've decided to start documenting them with a blog post every time they come up. Then one day hopefully I can write a book or my brother can make some Clerks-type movie and I'll be really wealthy.

Or at least I'll be entertained.