Our wedding ceremony. :)

DMG Wedding Ceremony

November 13, 2010 at 11AM

We are here to bear witness to the joining of this woman – and this woman – and this man in union to each other.

Marriage ceremonies have become the official proclamation for couples to express and share their love for each other in a public, visible setting. It is to illustrate plainly the depth of their hearts for each other, the spoken and implied vows of friendship and companionship, and mutual trust and security. And this union –while not a duo—is proof positive that good things come in threes.

In 2003, Michael, this dashing hunk of man right here, and Genevieve, this dark-haired vamp before me, made a crucial decision that would affect the
rest of their lives, and the surrounding lives of many. They decided to love more.

Danielle, my best friend and a saucy minx for all concerned, did not pose a threat to either side. She was not – despite literal logistics – The Other Woman. She found herself in a situation only a few of us can truly admit they have been in—and she herself made a decision that would affect her life forever. She decided to love more.

Since then, the love has continued to grow, and stood strong against fear, doubt, sickness, economics, allergies, impossible choreography, loss, insomnia, reality TV, bad movies, and indignity.

It is said “Love is not proud.” Respectfully: to hell with that. May we all be privileged enough to see in 2 eyes what I see in 6, and to know how much their journey has brought to them, and breathe deep and say “You know, I think it may all be worth it as long as I have these soldiers on my side.”

And it is clear by your invitation here, they appreciate the support, love, and care that you have held for them. Because they all know it’s not always easy. But I think it’s pretty likely it’s also worth it.

We here are among those who honor the commitment that time, practice, and deed has already shown is strong and deep, and know that a ceremony—a wedding ceremony—is justifiably celebrated.

I asked Michael, the Biblical scholar of the trio, to help me out here with a Biblical leaning on the subject of their wedding and he supplied me with the following. I am reading it exactly because Michael has a specific gift for words.

“Okay, so I’ve searched the Bible and found a staggering lack of positive statements about plural marriages, mostly because the Old Testament spends so little time saying anything good about marriage or wives. There are plenty of references to plural marriages, but they’re mostly found in laws about how to resolve disputes and settle wills. Romantic stuff, lemmetellya. There are no statements about it being okay or desirable, because the writers have no reason to think they _need_ to defend it. It’s treated matter-of-factly. The best I can do is suggest you talk _about_ the Bible, rather than quote it directly:

Abraham had Sarah and Hagar.
Jacob had Rachel and Leah and Bilhah and Zilpah.
Esau had five wives.
David had at least eight.
Gideon had so many wives, they bore him 70 sons.
According to the Book of Kings, Solomon ‘had seven hundred wives of noble
birth and three hundred concubines’.
So really, Michael is an underachiever.

THE RINGS

So there is no confusion, Michael and Genevieve pledged their union to each other in a separate ceremony. Danielle will be sharing rings with both Michael and Genevieve, using rings that were decided between them individually and symbolize the unique relationship she shares with both of them. In wearing both sets of rings, Danielle symbolizes her dedication to both Michael and Genevieve.

– May I have the rings to be shared between Danielle and Genevieve?

Danielle, with this ring, you vow to continue your commitment to Genevieve — to be a friend, confidante, a co-conspirator and to go forth with love in your heart. If you pledge, please say “I do.”

Genevieve, with this ring, you vow to continue your commitment to Danielle — to be a friend, confidante, a co-conspirator, and to go forth with love in your heart. If you pledge, please say “I do.”

– May I have the rings to be shared between Danielle and Michael?

Danielle, with this ring, you vow to continue your commitment to Michael — to be a friend, confidante, a co-conspirator and to go forth with love in your heart. If you pledge, please say “I do.”

Michael, with this ring, you vow to continue your commitment to Danielle—to
be a friend, confidante, a co-conspirator and to go forth with love in your heart.
If you pledge, please say “I do.”

FINAL WORDS

In conclusion, I would like to read an excerpt, paraphrased from a song called “Triad,” by Jefferson Airplane. From the gospel of Grace Slick—

“You all stand there, your long hair flowing
Eyes alive, your minds still growing.
I don’t really see why you can’t go on as three.
You love each other—it’s plain to see.
There’s just one answer that comes to me.
Live your lives together now, as three.”

Danielle, Michael, Genevieve. It is an honor to say Congratulations to you. You may now kiss… each other!

And now, friends and family, we enjoy delicious food and gracious company as we celebrate: The Stuebers.

Wedding planning, etc.

Well, wedding planning is going.

_Slowly_, but it's going. I'm hoping to work some more things out this weekend. I'll have George and Katie around and we've got an appointment with the caterer on Sunday. Everything that's paid for and decided all seems like very small in terms of details (besides the catering, but that's _not_ yet paid for), so I'm really hoping to have a better idea of how much it's going to be costing soon.

Then, I need to figure out where that money's coming from.

But it's moving along, and that helps me to feel much better overall.

I have been completely exhausted all this week though; I've not really exercised a stitch and it's already Friday. I'm going to try to lift some weights when I get home, but soon after we'll have some guests so I'm hoping to just chill and relax for the weekend, get back into a more full schedule next week.

Not much more to report than that, just wanted to get some thoughts down. Back to work.

Anxiety through dreams

I am extremely tired today. In total I probably slept for about 9 hours, but how much of that was actually restful, I'm not sure.

I dream a lot. In fact sometimes I look forward to sleeping more for the dreams than for the sleep; I love dreams. They are completely fascinating to me and I'm more than a little frustrated when I can't remember them or wake up before I want to in one.

And I have occasionally realized some things that I didn't consciously realize because of dreams. I've realized some things I really want to do, discovered some fantasies I'd never really thought of before, and very often come to anxieties I don't even realize are getting to me. And then sometimes it's completely clear why I'm having the dream(s) I'm having and it's just my subconscious thinking about it just as much at night as I was consciously during the day.

For the twelve days I was on vacation, I promised myself that I wasn't going to worry. Not worrying about money, about wedding plans, about bills, about doctors, about conflicts, about work, etc. I just let it go; I needed a break. I couldn't do anything about them while I was in a completely different state. Plus, I wanted to have fun and relax. Take a serious break.

And I did - it was wonderful Every once in a while something would remind me of other things I had to take care of at home, but each time I took a breath and said, "Nope, not until next Tuesday, that's when you're allowed to figure it out; for now, let it go and have fun." And I did.

The problem, as could well be expected, is that next Tuesday has come. And with it, all those thought sort of creep back in. Yesterday I was feeling somewhat in a funk both over the end of vacation and many worry-ish thoughts coming back to me after the blissful break that was the previous twelve days. And last night, my dreams didn't give me much rest from them. I kept having these weird anxiety dreams, most of which having to do with money. In one I was hanging with friends texting on two Blackberries when I realized that for months I'd had _two_ phones, both of which I was paying for the internet charges on, for no reason at all! I spend several minutes trying to figure out how I could cancel one and get some of my money back and do it as soon as possible.

In another, my wedding was a week later and I still hadn't put down my venue deposit so they dropped me from their reservations and filled the spot with someone else. And since I didn't have a venue, the caterer cancelled on me, but wouldn't refund my money. And George and I were running through department store trying desperately to find clothing appropriate for the wedding while I was trying to make phone calls seeing how I could pull off an venue and caterer in seven days. My mother kept coming up to me telling me how she'd knew this was going to happen, but I never help her around the house anymore, so how would I know.

Later I dreamt that I'd fallen asleep on the Margaret Todd while we were in Maine and not gotten off with everyone else. I woke up in the middle of the water, I couldn't see land anywhere, and the one and only crew member said he didn't know how to get back to shore.

I had at least two separate anxiety dreams about work; studio being full of people when I got there to open up realizing I was two hours late; kilns wouldn't turn on when I had a camp group's pieces I needed by the next day.

Ridiculous.

And because of my hyperactive brain, I think the sleep I got did nothing to rest me but rather stress me out. Still, after some breakfast and some sunshine, I at least feel more awake. And I'm clearly going to need to start taking these issues and solving them one at a time to give my brain some real rest.

Update on fitness

Well, I didn't do quite what I'd planned to try to do over vacation. My goal had been to try to keep up with some of the strength training exercises that didn't require any tools or equipment and also use the exercise rooms at the hotels for the nights we were there.

And I didn't.

But in fairness, it was a hopeful goal that I knew was unlikely to happen. We were very busy almost every day and we did a lot of walking and activity. Plus, it was vacation! Once in the spirit, you kind of stay there and don't feel nearly as motivated for routine.

Still, canoeing and kayaking helped to keep up my upper body strength and plenty of walking helped me feel less bad about all the delicious food we were eating.

But, now, to get back on track. Yesterday was our last day or rest before returning to work so I didn't exercise then, but tonight, I fully intend to get a workout in and then continue one per day for the week. This weekend we're hoping to organize some socialization, but we'll see what I can fit in around it. And, starting back next week, I will reset me goal for the rest of July and all of August: 5 full, intense workouts per week, while also trying to get something in (even something small) the other two days. Plus, we're hoping to lower portions further and introduce more and more vegetables into our diet.

And now, back to work.

Vacation wrap-up

Well, I'm back at work.

And I'm certainly feeling vacation-withdrawal. Not that I expect anyone on the face of the earth to feel sympathetic about that (except for possibly my fellow vacationers) - such a hardship, I know. But there it is. Since I've never really gone away like this before, I had no idea what to expect. Bottom line, as should have been expected, I wish I was still back in Maine. All vacation-type elements aside (like having every meal, all accommodations, and every activity paid for, constantly doing fun things, never having to do work of any kind...), I still wish I was back there. Without certain complications, I would move there in a heartbeat.

The air is cleaner. Everything felt fresh. It was cooler and calmer. People were nice all over (although by the end I was starting to crave the intense apathy New Jersey has to offer; 'No! I don't need any help! Three other people asked me already - just leave me alone to browse and when I need you I'll walk up to the counter and you can ignore me some more until you're good and ready; that's how this works!') There was water everywhere (which I'm surprisingly drawn to, considering my fears related to water). The mountains are gorgeous. Every day, whether it was raining, sunny, I got enough sleep or not, it just felt _better_. Just being there felt better. It's gorgeous and cleaner and less populated but still not completely isolated (unless you want to be). Definitely a way of life I could learn to love.

But it _is_ more complicated. First, it will take much time before we're ready to move and can afford it. I'd need a new job, and considering my need for carpooling, that always makes me anxious. Plus, I love my job. And my boss; I'm in a really good situation here. And if it wasn't for the fact we want to move to a less heavily populated, less liberal area, I would happily work here as long as we're open. I'm comfortable and treated well and have security - that really means a lot. And then there are friends. And family. Leaving all of that sort of takes the air out of my lungs. Take that out of the equation some how, like with the addition of a private plane or a mass exodus where I bring everyone I love with me, and my reservations would probably melt instantly.

But there you have it.

Anyway, nothing's decided, but we do need to figure out where we're going to raise our family and live our life. So that's on my mind a lot.

Well, that diverged quickly from the initial point of this post. Let's recap the last couple of vacation days. Saturday we got underway nice and early. After the sunrise we only sort of saw we came back, got our stuff together, packed, and in the car. We made some breakfast, made sure the place was nice and clean, and we were on the road by 9:00. We made a couple of stops on the way and took an extended break in Freeport. We walked around L. L. Bean one last time and had dinner again at Gritty's. Completely bookended vacation ftw!

Back on the road we headed to Sturbridge, Massachusetts where we had hotel rooms to stay the night. We got there in time to use the pool for a couple of hours so Genevieve and I got our suits on and spent the evening at the pool. Genevieve started teaching me how to swim and along with some pointers from Michael, I can now keep myself above water pretty consistently and even move around a bit. If only those rude, annoying children/parents weren't around, it would have been perfect. Took a soak in the hot tub for a few and then showered and crashed for the night.

Sunday we got going nice and early; we had breakfast in the hotel and were on the road by 10:00. We made some pit stops and hit some traffic, but even with stopping for lunch before parting ways, we were home by 3:00. I unpacked _some_ (mostly the food) of our stuff and otherwise vegged with Michael watching MST3K and The State while Genevieve sat with us and caught up on interneting after only having brief moments with my laptop over the course of the last week and a half. Slept a _lot_ Sunday night, and Monday morning was much like the night before; thoroughly relaxing and enjoyable. Plus, I achieved unpacking everything of mine _except_ my clothes (which may sound like not an accomplishment, but it _is_).

Then for the late afternoon and evening we picked George up, had dinner, did some shopping, and played Simpsons Clue. Excellent cap on the almost-two-week vacation.

And as I said, now I'm back at work. Luckily, I love my job, so it wasn't much of a hardship. Still, I'd rather be home watching nerdy TV or back on Cadillac Mountain staring at all the stars I've never seen before, breathing in the fresh air. I fell in love with the south every time we went, being surprised at how much I love it there. But going to Maine felt like home. And that's been incredibly scary to me.

Today I'm working on employee profiles, getting ready for individual evaluations, and it's harder than I thought. So I should get back, just needed a break and wanted to get some thoughts down.

Sunrise fail

We completely failed at sunrise.

By the time we got to the mountain, it was practically daylight. We did get to the top just as the sun was actually starting to be in view, but we were somewhat remiss in accounting for the time _before_ the sun is actually visible, which we also wanted to see.

So, next time, we will get up at midnight after a long afternoon "nap", take our time getting ready, pack a picnic breakfast with many thermos' of coffee, and get there very early (probably with many blankets and sweaters) and watch the whole thing.

Still, driving up Cadillac Mountain while the sun was rising was _gorgeous_ to say the least. And it was a very pretty view on the top.

Of course, there were about 70 jerks up there already by the time we arrived ::shakes fists::

Anyway, we're now all packed and getting ready to load up the car. Then we'll have some breakfast and be on our way before 10:00.

Quick note

I am awake; it is 4:19 am.

We're on our way out to see the sunrise at Cadillac Mountain; we'll be the first in the country to see it (with the possible exception of any other jerks _also_ there to see the sunrise).

It's going to be gorgeous and an excellent way to cap our trip.

I am so fucking tired, though. ;)

Maine Trip Volume 06

So, I just got back from our second trip on the lake, this time kayaking.
I
Michael and I got a tandem kayak and Genevieve got a single again. We had _lots_ of fun, but it was actually much harder to steer and maneuver than the canoe. It seemed pretty clear after a while that kayaks really aren't made for two people, even the ones made for two people. We spent the first two hours getting almost to the other side of the lake and back, and by then, our arms were exhausted. So we pulled up to the dock, Michael got out first, and then I attempted to get out and instead decided to test the life jackets. They work. I cut up my arm and fingers a little bit but otherwise really just got wet and a little anxious.

Genevieve swam for a bit while Michael tried out the single kayak. I took off my shorts (I was wearing just them and my bathing suit) and tried to dry off a bit while I watched them. By the time Michael got back, they were both trying to convince me to give the single kayak a try. So, I very anxiously got in and rode around a bit. I can completely see how the single kayak is _much_ easier than the tandem kayak _or_ canoe. By then my arms were pretty tired so I only spent about ten minutes out myself before very slowly making my way out of the kayak with both Genevieve's _and_ Michael's help pretty much on the ground.

Still, even with my unexpected dip and achy arms, I had a blast. We already want to get three single kayaks and a canoe. Also a sailboat (with a motor, just in case - I will not be pleased stuck out on a lack or at sea with no wind to carry us back!). I really hope we can find somewhere to do this over the summer.

And with that, Michael's mom should be home soon with some Chinese food and we can toast our last night in Maine.

Maine Trip Volume 05

Well, we're here on our last day of our Maine vacation and every day it's felt like it was time to leave, but we still had so much time to go. We're so used to weekend vacations, this week and a half has seemed unbelievable. And even now that we're getting ready to leave tomorrow, I still can't believe we're here and all the wonderful things we've gotten to do.

Yesterday morning was another early day. At 8:30 we went out on the local lake, Michael and I on a canoe and Genevieve on a kayak. I was nervous getting into the canoe, and the first 15 minutes or so would get pretty panicky whenever the boat rocked from side to side. But after we got the hang of steering, I was pretty okay. By the end I _loved_ it. I would have stayed out all day if my legs and butt weren't achy from the uncomfortable seats (excellent upper body workout, though!). We made it all the way to the opposite side of the lake (about a mile) and back. And our way there we did so much zig zagging we probably added another half mile to the trip. It was _gorgeous_. The morning was slightly overcast for the first half and the sun came out for the second half. It was perfect. At times we were the only people in the lake. So peaceful.

Afterwards we came back to the house and made a delicious lunch - hot dogs, baked beans, chips, and sugar snap peas (which I've grown to like). We relaxed a bit after cleaning up and then headed out for another Bar Harbor trip. Genevieve and I browsed around for a few things and then we hung around the harbor area until our mini-sunset cruise on the Margaret Todd. It was breathtaking. We took a leisurely sail around the harbor and some of the islands. We saw many seals and the water was calm and crisp. There was a folk musician doing folk rock songs from the seventies the whole time we were there (significantly better than the pop versions of sea shanties we heard on the whale watch) which was very pleasant.

The cruise was about an hour and a half long, and I'm happy to report that my sea sickness must be due specifically to the harsh waves and speed of the whale watch boat, and I was not at all bothered while canoeing or on the Margaret Todd.

After the cruise (which ended really before the sun had set, but it was still beautiful) we went to dinner at Testa's, a restaurant that's a tradition for Michael's family when they get here. Well, this has, again, topped the best meal of the trip. We sat on the upper level facing out to view the street all lit up at night. They were having a special which was a cup of clam chowder, olive tapenade (which is _amazing_), rolls, salad with their vinaigrette dressing, steamed lobster with vegetable, and blueberry pie for dessert. Well! It was _incredible_. We also got fried blue cheese with a spicy sauce seasoning as an appetizer. I had never had a lobster before. I've eaten lobster; in fact I've been having it at least once a day since hitting Maine, but I've never eaten a whole steamed lobster before. They give you a bib, tools for ripping it apart, and a bowl to put carcass parts in. I wasn't going to get it and was going to instead get the "Lazy Man's Lobster" which is the same, just the meat's taken out of the lobster for you. See, Michael is completely creeped out by sea bugs (understandably), and I try not to put him through watching me eat them. But, as he reminded me, we're in Maine and it's the best place for it. And he told us that while here, he'd happily deal with whatever sea-things we decided to have. So I did.

Yes, there are pictures. And yes, it was so much fun! I got every bit of meat out that I could. The chowder was the best I've ever had. And the tapenade was so good! Michael's mom got us some to take home. The salad was completely enjoyable; I even ate all my veggies. And after spending an hour ripping apart my sea bug dinner, the blueberry pie came out with a scoop of vanilla ice cream (which I shared with Michael). Now, I'm not a _huge_ fan of blueberries. I like them just fine, but they're not an OMG! thing for me. However this pie could turn that around in a heartbeat for me. The crust was perfect, the blueberries more delicious than I've ever had, and the ice cream complimented perfectly. As satisfying a meal as I've ever had.

We took one last walk towards the car on the harbor and then headed back to the house. I took a nice long shower and promptly fell asleep.

This morning we slept in a bit, had a leisurely morning, and then headed out to Jordan's Pond for one more popover excursion. Genevieve and I got crab cakes and lobster quiche to share along we our popovers. (Has anyone else noticed how much I talk about the food? It's not _all_ about the food, it's just been so good it's hard not to describe that so much! Much of the rest is a lot of walking and views and nature, which looses something when it's not seen.) We also shared a pot of hot tea since it was nice and cool on the lake. And to end, we got popovers filled with ice cream to share. Hold crap. It was a nice long meal and the view was, again, gorgeous.

We did a bit more shopping and hanging around in that gift shop and in Bar Harbor and then headed back to the house. On our way, we decided to make reservations to do an evening kayak since we had so much fun yesterday. So, any minute I'm going to be heading out. Michael and I will be sharing a double kayak (instead of a canoe) and Genevieve will be on her own again (which she seems to prefer - she's much better at it anyway). We'll be doing that for about three hours and then come home for dinner and hopefully getting to bed early. Our current plan is to get up to see the sunrise on Cadillac Mountain. We'll be the first ones in the country to see it and that will be around 5:00. Then it'll be time to gather our stuff and we'll be heading back south around 10:00. We've got some stops we'd like to make on the way and we'll be staying overnight in Massachusetts and making the rest of the trip on Sunday.

I have had a fantastic time here. I'm sad to leave, but I can't say it hasn't been completely perfect. I think we all needed it and nothing could have been better.

Now, off to kayaking!